Senior Discount

by Ron Osterberg

Waiting in line at Dunkin Donuts, I tried to remember the Spanish word for discount.  Was it descuente or descuento?  When my turn came to pay, I said, “Descuento por viejo por favor.” The clerks couldn’t suppress their giggle.  I botched it.  I asked for an old discount instead of senior discount, but I get the discount word right.

Gently, they told me that viejo was not a nice thing to say about someone, especially oneself – or about a discount.  That reminded me that as kids when someone asked, “How ya doin?”  Or, “Que pasa?” We replied, “Estoy bien, viejo conejo.”  I’m fine you old coot.  The clerks suggested that I say mayor, a more dignified word.

The next time I said, “Descuento para mayor por favor” and the lady smiled.  She liked being part of a game.  Several visits later one the clerks suggested “viejito” or “cute older man.”

A few visits later I mentioned that I was a grandfather, “Soy un abuelo.”  So, I asked, “Descuento para abuelo por favor?”  The lady behind the counter replied that she is an abuela or grandmother.  She didn’t look old enough to be a grandmother.  On the other hand, anyone under 50 looks young, especially if their skin is tan without many wrinkles.

They suggested I say, “Descuento para abuelito” and I said, “Senorita, descuento para abuelito por favor.”  She blushed slightly saying gracias.

The entire exchange took less than a minute, but each time it reminded me of a lost adventure.  Before going to UCLA, I wanted to go to college in Mexico City for a year.  I would have returned speaking fluent Spanish with a Mexican dialect.  I still don’t know why I didn’t do it.  I wish I knew that we grade our youthful choices carefully when we are viejitos.